I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
