I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
