i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
