I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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