dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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