Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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