Plan B is the new Plan A
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize