More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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