Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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