its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
