Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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