i just sent this text using only my big toe
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
