i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
