exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
