I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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