I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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