How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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