I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
