wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
