Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
