I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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