i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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