i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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