We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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