i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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