Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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