im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
