I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
