My Higher Power is John Stamos
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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