I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
