I love black thongs
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
