i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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