You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
