Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
