He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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