If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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