Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
