And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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