The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize