it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
