R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
