woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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