we're blogging at a bar
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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