If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
