I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
