We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
