they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
