Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
