I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
