She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
