marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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