Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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