He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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