You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize