I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
