Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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