Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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