I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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