I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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