If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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